Weakness

2Corinthians 12:8-9 “Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.”

I used to hate talking in front of people, whether it was a small group or a big crowd I dreaded having to speak up in front of others.  Even if it was as simple as introducing yourself by saying your name in the class room, as the teacher went from student to student asking their name, my stomach would turn and I would begin to have a mild panic attack as sweat would form from my head and palms. Simply because throughout all my years of grade school I was made fun of because of my voice. I had a high pitched voice and it embedded fear and low self-esteem in me.  

This was my weakness.  I could recall many nights screaming in my pillow hoping, praying, that I would lose my voice only for it to come back deeper, normal. Kids were the worst because they have no fear of telling people what they think or how they feel such as, “Why do you talk funny?” That was the question I determined to avoid and it created so many roots of sarcasm and harshness in me. There were also many times I would cry my eyes out to God begging that he would take it away.  I felt like an outcast and bullied. Thoughts of suicide haunted my mind.

Even after my conversion the effects of having such a weakness would hold me back from many things that God wanted to do in my life.  Most of my prayers growing up were that God would change my voice.  I related to Paul, begging and pleading for the Lord to take away my weakness and he never did.  Still he chose to use me.  When I was 16 years old I was asked to start teaching the Junior High Sunday School class and the panic came back. I said no and that I didn’t like kids. I knew they would make fun of me, but God had different plans. He pressed upon my heart and spirit and I knew I had to do it. At the age 18 I was asked to become the Youth Pastor and again the same situation, but I had to be obedient to his commands. From there I even became a Bible Study leader. In every one of those moves I still dealt with my weakness and insecurity.

Just because a person becomes a believer doesn’t mean that everything is going to be perfect. You’ll still have to deal with insecurities and weaknesses, but the best part is you’re not alone.  His grace was all I needed and His power does work best in weaknesses. I couldn’t allow my weakness to stop me from doing the work of God because His will needed to be done. Yes I tried to run from it every time, but just as with Jonah, he will find you and you will end up doing his will in the end. I can now boast about my weakness because it was in it that the power of Christ did work through me.  He did eventually change my voice after a night of radical worship, but that’s another story, but I know it was only because of my faithfulness to him through my weakness.

So the next time you catch yourself begging God to take away a weakness, know that he hears your prayers, but now is not the time. He wants to use that weakness so that the power of Christ can work through you. His grace is all you need.  Don’t allow your weakness to birth insecurity, depression, or fear.  Tell the Lord; show yourself strong in my weakness.  “Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you.” (Psalm 37:5) I can now boast in my weakness because His will was done and lives were changed!